My husband and I always wanted a family and after 8 years of being together we finally decided we wanted to start our family.
We had so many hopes and dreams and discussions of our future and one of them was how we would raise our kids and our priorities.
It is and has ALWAYS been an unspoken rule that our kids come first, and this is something I will not change for nobody.
You see I have read and spoken to many people regarding this subject and ALL of them have given me the same answer, they choose their husbands / partners and their marriages before their kids and I respectfully disagree, it works for them, its just not for me. I’ve read countless blogs, articles, books, letters, interviews on this same subject, not ONE single piece of writing is yet to be found on putting your kids before your husband. Why? Probably because most people have a certain way or mindset on the subject, and if you know me I am NOT part of the crowd and not a people pleaser. I DO not choose my marriage before my kids and I never will and I’m sure there are countless people who are doing the same but maybe feel bad about it? Like hello, what type of mother are you if you are putting your husband or partner ahead of your kids, but you are not if you do, and if its best for you and your family – do it. I think its kinda GREAT regardless~!
Yes, I met my now husband first, yes, he was there before my kids, yes, he was a husband before he was a father, I get all that, but my children come before my marriage on any given day and its something I FIRMLY and STRONGLY believe in.
Why would I ask my husband to put the kids first? Its simple really, and I will get to my point at the end!
Think about this…. Let’s say you were in a situation (a bad one) and your partner chooses you over your child, fine you will live and survive the ordeal but will your marriage? Or your sanity or the guilt. If my husband chooses me over my children on any given day, we would fail, our marriage would fail, and HE would FAIL me!
So, I hear you maybe asking so how is this choice going for me? WELL its going AMAZINGLY, I have an amazing husband who agrees strongly with my sentiments on this subject and because of it, he is the MOST amazing father to our kids. I cannot ask for a better husband and Father, I am absolutely overjoyed with how he parents our kids. He puts them first in all he does. HE is a fierce protector and they LOVE him with such a VEROSITY that I can’t sometimes explain!
Which brings me to the subject of involved parenting… As I feel this subject is so important. An involved husband and father is what I get out of putting my children before my husband. Since I have a husband who puts my children first I reap the following benefits (if you will) …
HE helps with absolutely EVERYTHING, he is involved with EVERY aspect of parenting. The Bath time routine, the playing games, learning, reading, homework, the nurturing, the loving, the sleep time routine, the waking at night, the putting to sleep, tending to the ouches, brushing and washing hair, making lunches, cooking, cleaning, discipline, bedtime, feeding, caregiving, holding hands, kisses, brushing teeth, chasing the baddies away, washing their clothes, watching their sports games or ballet recitals, changing nappies…. The LIST is ENDLESS… I have left out a lot of things, but you get what I am saying right?? I am working on a blog post on “involved parenting” and how it works for us and its benefits to our family.
In saying all of this, the above is not what matters to me, the most important thing I get from asking my husband to put the children ahead of me is to see him ‘father’ like no father I have ever seen. Him In his role of father of my children knowing he will protect them with his life even before my life, knowing there is someone who loves them ABOVE ANYTHING else gives me the most amazing piece of mind and this feeling and sense of peace I WOULDN’T trade for the world.
I am most content that he chooses his kids and fatherhood OVER me, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to me and that’s why I have asked my husband to put the kids before me and I do the same too.
For anyone who thinks my relationship suffers because of it, after 15 years of being together of which 7 years are marriage, we are still fine, still in love, and still happy.
Let’s talk about the disadvantages, the no time for ourselves or our marriage, the self-absorbed and sense of entitlement kids or self-centred children, the jealous wife or husband, they are real issues, and I DO not disagree with them at all or take them lightly, as with everything in life there must be a balance. We need to of course make a conscious effort for our marriages, alone time, reconnecting, loving, communicating, its all HARD work, but I don’t see the fact that we put our kids first as jeopardising my marriage, maybe I am wrong, who knows, but it works for me.
Self – centered kids – I don’t yet have these monsters, I will try my best to avoid this behaviour, but like ALL things in life there is almost always a good and a bad side to everything.
There is no book on parenting, it’s the hardest thing in the world being one, so do what is best for you and your circumstance or situation.
Any thoughts, I would love to hear them!